Carefully Concealing My Attractive Brain

One of the obstacles I’ve faced in the last few weeks is that my workspace is (temporarily!) located in a squat, grim, drab ghost building which houses an eerily high number of zombies. A majority of the people I see on my way to and from the bathroom have dull, undead eyes and a telling paucity of what the poncy call “joie de vivre.” This decrepit rockpile is definitely more deathwish than Lust For Life.

I mostly stay in my brightly walled closed-door holding pen away from others, but every time I sneak out of my cell I encounter the same squat, grim, drab lurching zombie woman. Apparently she’s paid to smoke in front of the building and socialize with other denizens (both live and undead) of the building. I’m singling her out because she’s creepily ubiquitous. She’s actually one of the most approachable zombies who haunt the hallways. The ones who move more slowly and have grayer skin and stare with groany-looking eyes are the ones who really disturb me. If I could just convert a section of my box to a bathroom I’d only have to go out to flee to the streets at the end of the day.

For now I’m trying to be very subdued when I’m out of my fortress to fool the zombies into thinking I’m only minimally alive. If they realize how sparkly and active my brain is they will definitely try to eat it and that would totally impede my ascent up the corporate ladder. And cramp my social life. So, sssh, if you see anybody in this building; move slowly, try to look gray, and if you have a vigorous brain keep it a secret if you want to keep it – and don’t let on that I’m fully alive and lively.