Hoofs, Roofs, Leafs

In the context of reading something else, I read something recently about the triumphant toughness of the hockey team the Toronto Maple Leafs. What initially struck me wasn't the amusing age-old observation that hockey, one of the most violent televised sports, has plenty of teams with friendly, jolly names, like the Mighty Ducks, and the Penguins. (Penguins is a great name regardless of context -- the birds themselves are so jaunty.) I adore the incongruity of guys knocking out each others' teeth in honor of sweet things like leafs and penguins and ducks. I like the idea of it going the other way, too. For example, if I ever start a knitting circle, it could be named "Needles of Mayhem," or "The Needle-Wielding Wildcats." Or we could have a book club called "Skull Crushing Tomes of Absolute Authority." Mmm, or maybe a book club called "Read It and Weep." I like that. To really ramp up the paradox, it could be a book club where we only read cheery fare like "Calvin and Hobbes," or Neil Simon plays.

Anyway, so why aren't they "Leaves"? I mean, whatever floats their boat, and when it comes to proper names, I'm pretty accepting of unorthodox language choices, I just really want to know why. I've researched it and come up with nothing. Did "leaves" sound too formal? Did "leafs" seem more salt of the earth, gritty and relatable? Was it an accident? Please get in touch if you know. I mean, in no other context would it be cool to say "leafs." Nobody will ever say, "How 'bout this weekend we head to the Berkshires to ogle the lovely changing leafs." If you were in some sort of jazz-performance situation, and accidentally called "Autumn Leafs," everyone would laugh at you. Suburban dads are not shouting at their children, "Stop playing in the leafs! I spent hours raking those leafs into piles!"

Oh, and in my fruitless reasearch, I learned a little about one of the Leafs' amicably named rivals, the Red Wings. (Ed. note: their logo is sweeeeet!) This reminded me of my friend whose surname is Akahane, which he told us means "red wing," which is pretty cool. (Although, admittedly, still not very thuggy or tough-sounding.) However, he made the mistake of also telling my brother David, on a different occasion, that "baka" means "stupid" in Japanese. (His translation, not mine. He's Japanese, I'm not, I'm taking his word for it.) So, of course, from then on David called him StupidWing, or "Bakahane."