Stamp Out Rogue Piggies

Although I’m in a great mood, I can’t keep this pesky image out of my mind. I saw something hauntingly aesthetically offensive this morning. To clear my mind for a more single-minded focus on nice things, I’ve crafted this letter.

Hello ladies. I’ve got to tell you that people are noticing when your pinkie toes rebelliously poke out of your meshy, strappy, or woven shoes. No matter how much money you’re spending on pedicures or bunion-removal surgery, or how sexy your sandals are, your feet are disturbing to look at when you have one independently-spirited rogue-state toe confidently reaching out for freedom from the rest of the fleet. For one thing, it looks painful. Knee-jerk empathy makes my feet hurt when I see it. For another, frankly, it looks like a kind of creepy foot tumor. You can choose to make the world a more beautiful place, one well-fitting shoe at a time. Please make the right choice.

Party at Kitty and Stud’s

Those of you in attendance at last night’s quiz show will remember that as the original title of the 1970 porn film that gave Sylvester Stallone his big break. (After “Rocky” rocked the box office, it was re-released as “The Italian Stallion.”) Congratulations to the Milltown Codgers and the Mensa Maniacs on their wins. Tributary anthems in their honor will open the next Throbbing Brains quiz show on July 26th.

I can’t stop myself from publicly acknowledging the excellence of so many of you; Lainie for showing up with smart friends while incredibly ill (and winning Round 1 despite her suffering), Janet, Whitney, and Erin for prettying up the place as well as raising the IQ average in the room (you are all going to Ewok Heaven), Elizabeth and Soraya for invaluable behind-the-scenes contributions, Tim for being a charming, stand-up friend (and commemorating my stage time on video – you flatterer!), Jen and Tom for making it seem more like the whole thing was a scene in an urban movie full of well-costumed beautiful smart people, Newtong for blending high-brow and low-brow into some sort of Fifth-Dimension-brow, France for excelling in every way except promptness, Shara for joie de vivre (by which I mean tenaciously fighting with the photo booth), Patrick for esprit de corps (plus driving my friends home and then giving me the best meal ever) and ANDY HEIDEL for making it happen. See you all next time – unless I find some brown M&Ms backstage, in which case it’s off!

In Heaven There Is No Beer

(That's why we drink it here.) Guess who had her very first polka-band practice this weekend! I did, I did! Plus, I discovered that 11211 magazine eventually published the piece I wrote about the Williamsburg Spelling Bee. Spoiler warning: it reveals the inspiration for the title of the quiz show. Turns out I called the piece "Brains On Parade: The Pleasure and Pain of Performance." Apparently, as I gradually forgot what I'd written, and that it would be published, my throbbing brain hung onto the "brain" theme with a pit bull grip. (For more bee information, check out: http://www.petescandystore.com) Also, I visited the Renegade Craft Fair in McCarren Park not once, but twice. On the whole, a good weekend.

Booty for Winners

I am hosting a quiz show at SOUTHPAW, on June 28th at 8pm, followed by the lava-hot Spunk Lads, and all part of a benefit: Dance Don't Destroy III. Come by 7:30, tell the doorperson you're there for the Throbbing Brains Onstage Quiz Show and you don't have to contribute directly to the worthy cause! You can instead contribute indirectly by drinking, dancing, and having fun.

Throbbing Brains Onstage, a fantasia quiz show that revives the thrill of the Fifties-era quiz shows that glorified eggheads and helped bring them out of their shells. (But this time with more drinking and less lying to Congress.) Booty for winners includes a cash prize,and the public performance of a hit song written for and about them and their triumph. Free to watch, $2 to get onstage and compete, 5-person limit for teams.

www.spunklads.com, http://www.spsounds.com/directions.html, www.developdontdestroy.org


*Acknowledgment to observant readers; yes, I somehow got an incorrectly clipped version of this graphic, I'm rushing too much to try to fix it. Ha, "rushing," kind of a pun, considering the graphic. (Oy, punning. I'm such an old man). The relevant information that's missing is: SHOW AT 8pm! Yeah, that's a depiction of me with the big grin and the Riddler outfit. I'm pleased.

A Frustrated, Fallible, Dogged Victim of Circumstance

I created this stupid blog just because I was trying to leave a friendly post on my friend Jen's blog (www.jenisfamous.com). She doesn't allow anonymous posts, and I was led by the nose through an aggravating series of hoops into creating this blog, in order to have a Virtual Identity, just so I could make a tepidly funny comment about Hero Cheese. (see here). I sense that there's a lesson in this for me somewhere. But I'm not going to dig too deep for it. (Note my insouciant use of the word "but" as the first word in a sentence -- I may fight beginning "but"s all day at work, but boy do I let loose on my own time!)